Is Loving Something Worth it if You Know You’re Going to Lose it?
Do you think it is worth loving something if we are just going to lose it at some point in the future? I think it is, but to explain why, let me tell you a story.
When I was a boy, approaching my 13th birthday, I wanted a dog of my own more than anything else in the world. I know that sounds like the beginning of “Where the Red Fern Grows” but it’s true. We grew up with dogs in the house, but I wanted one of my own. My parents weren’t as easy to convince. As a parent now myself, I understand their reluctance. But then, I didn’t. There was a dog-shaped hole in my heart that only one thing would fill.
My parents had allowed me to volunteer at the local animal shelter about a half mile from my house. I would go there two or three times a week, for about 4 hours, and clean the animal cages, feed various species, and walk the dogs. That last part was my favorite and the real reason I did it. I became smitten with one dog after another and then watched them get adopted out by some lucky family. I saved my money and watched for my opportunity. As the weeks went by it seemed like my parents were softening in their opposition. I knew my time was close.
Then, it happened. The perfect puppy came into the shelter. She was a mixed breed, that if I had to guess was a cross between a Beagle and a Saint Bernard. Don’t ask me to paint you a picture of how that happened. She was cute and goofy with floppy ears and a thick coat of soft fur. And I was in love. As I remember it, I went home and begged my mother, who worked her magic on my father, and, miracle of miracles, it happened. That amazing little ball of fur came home with me a few days later.
If you never had a dog when you were a boy then it’s hard to explain the bond that exists. I know now that my parents probably helped me more than I realized at the time, but I was faithful to walk her, bathe her, and feed her. I bought her food from my paper route money, and she slept on the end of my bed, right where a dog should sleep. And I called her Princess. She was my first love. Well, technically my second, but since my third-grade teacher had finally gotten married, I was fine with moving on.
I could not imagine life being any better than it was during the next couple of years. I lived in Maine, and I had a dog. What else could a boy ask for?
Then, one day, I found out we were moving. My dad was changing jobs, and we were going to be renting a house that did not allow dogs. My parents broke the news. Princess couldn’t go. I had to either find a home for her, or she would go to the shelter. There was simply no other option. I don’t blame them. Life doesn’t always give you the options you want.
I did the bravest thing I could and found a family friend who was willing to take my dog. I don’t know if they actually kept her, but I appreciate them taking her in to at least give me the illusion of a semi-happy ending for her. I was crushed. After we dropped her off at her new home, I laid on the back seat of our van, breaking the seat belt laws that were newly enacted. (But hey, I was grieving, so I was feeling reckless.) I cried all the way home. My heart was shattered. I had always wanted a dog. Then I had one, and I loved her. Now she was gone. It. Crushed. My. Heart.
If she had never come into my life, I wouldn’t have been lying there crying my eyes out. I would have been spared that pain. Was it even worth it? Is love even worth it?
Loss comes in a lot of different shapes, and it’s not that uncommon for someone to experience a broken heart at the loss of someone or something they love. Uncommon? It’s almost a certainty that if you love you will suffer loss. I don’t care whether it’s a parent, a grandparent, a spouse, a sibling, a pet, a favorite sweater, or a family home. If you love something, you stand a better than above-average chance of losing it. And that’s gonna hurt. A lot.
As a result, some people withdraw from the world, and build walls around their hearts, either to keep from loving in the first place or, having been hurt by the loss, to keep from loving and risking that hurt again. I get that. I understand. Love comes with such a certainty of pain that some don’t want to take the risk.
But I think it’s worth it. Here’s why.
Love is the absolute greatest gift in the entire world. Love makes life worth living. C.S. Lewis once remarked, after losing his wife to cancer, in the final words of his book “A Grief Observed”
"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal."
And that’s why it’s worth it. Love is the supreme happiness. It fills our hearts like nothing else. It is so huge, that when the object of that love is lost, it cannot help but feel like pain. The heart needs to love to be happy. Really, truly happy.
Here’s something I want to know, and take hope in this. If you have loved and lost, you can love again. The heart has an amazing capacity to love. I know you cannot ever imagine a love like the one you lost. I couldn’t ever imagine loving another dog like the one I lost. But I did. A few years ago I had another dog that I loved, and I lost her too. It hurt, just as much. And I have lost other things, and people. Friends, family, a brother. They all hurt, but they were all worth it.
Here’s the beautiful thing. There is more love out there to find. No one takes the place of one you loved and lost, but that has nothing to do with whether you can love again, or whether you should. Of course, you should! You should, at the earliest time possible, find another object of love. And go into it knowing the time will be limited. You will lose them, or they will lose you. That is inevitable. That’s the deal. But again, it’s worth it. Why? Because love makes life worth living. There are people and things, and yes, dogs, out there that are worth loving. That’s hope. And that’s why I say, yes. It is worth loving something even if you know you will lose it because missing out on the joy and happiness of love is a truly tragic circumstance. So, love someone with all your heart, and don’t hold anything back. Then do it again.
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Also recommended is “The Problem of Pain” - C.S. Lewis
